


A Swing And A Miss

by AsagiStilinski



Series: Yoitober 2019 [9]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Character's Name Spelled as Yuri, Christophe Giacometti Being Christophe Giacometti, Established Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Established Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Future Fic, Humor, Inktober 2019, Jean-Jacques Leroy Being an Asshole, Kid Fic, M/M, Married Couple, Married Life, Yuri Plisetsky Is So Done, Yuri Plisetsky Swears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 22:24:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20974034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsagiStilinski/pseuds/AsagiStilinski
Summary: This is the story of how one little white lie slowly turns the lives of eight people into chaosOr: Three couples try to build three different types of swings and not one of them is successful





	A Swing And A Miss

**Author's Note:**

> Day 9- "Swing"

"Ok Kira, be good for Aunt Minako! We'll see you later sweetie!" Yuri called, waving to his daughter as Minako _finally_ left with Kira in tow

And as soon as they were out of earshot....

"Is that the last one?" Viktor wispered

"The last one that can speak," Yuri smirked back, shutting the door and turning back to his husband, leaning up to give him a soft kiss before looking down at their four-month-old and cooing softly to her

"Then we're clear to work on the surprise?" Viktor asked excitedly, practically bouncing on his feet

"Yes, and if I didn't know any better, I'd say you want this thing more than Kira does," Yuri teased playfully as he hooked his arm through Viktor's and started leading him to the back door to head out to the yard

"Oh nonsense, I do want it, but mostly to see my baby girl happy, that's all,"

"You sure it isn't you hoping the swing can hold your weight so you can play on it too?" Yuri teased playfully

Viktor gasped, hugging the baby closer

"Yuri I'm OFFENDED!!! How dare you imply such a thing!?"

"I dare because I'm right,"

"You're maybe POSSIBLY a little bit right, but not entirely," Viktor laughed

Yuri just laughed, shaking his head as he sat down in the grass in front of the boxed swingset and watched as Viktor put their little girl in her playpin

"You know there's nothing wrong with that, right Vitya?"

"I-I know," Viktor laughed nervously, moving over to the swingset and picking up the box-cutter beside him

"You really think we can do this on our own?" Yuri asked a beat later, leaning back on his hands as Viktor started slicing through the tape

"Oh I'm sure we can," Viktor smiled back enthusiastically

"I mean, how hard can it be?"

~+~

".... Is this finally it? .... Have I gone deaf? .... Is this life without sound? ... Oh wait I can hear myself talking, nevermind,"

Otabek shook his head slowly, watching as his husband slowly crashed onto the couch next to him and heaved a long, loud sigh

"I cannot believe you finally got her to stop screaming..."

"_I_ cannot believe that in two hours of bouncing this baby I've gotten more exercise than I did during my entire career as a figure skater," Otabek replied with a huff

"Fucking mood," Yura grumbled, rubbing his face tiredly

"Yura, we have GOT to put that baby swing together, I can't take another night of this, my arms are getting to be twice their natural size if this keeps up and honestly? I'm not up for it,"

"I know I know," Yura grumbled quietly, sighing as he tossed his head back against the back of the couch

"Ok... ok, alright, put her down, let's get to it, I'm sure it'll be alright, how hard can it be?"

~+~

"Mm..... you know Peachy, when I originally bought this thing, I hadn't realized some assembly would be required...."

Phichit hummed thoughtfully, nodding along to his boyfreind's assessment as he stared at the pile of wood laying on the ground in front of him

Yeah... this was definitely going to be more work than either of them had anticipated...

But that didn't necessarily have to be a bad thing

"It's ok, building it ourselves will be more fun!" Phichit noted with a bright smile

"Besides, how hard can it be?"

~+~

"Yuuuuriiiiii..... I don't even know what language these instructions are IN! And I can't even understand the English section!!"

Yuri paused from trying to sort out the peices in front of him, eyebrows raised as he leaned over and gently took the pages from Viktor's hands, shifting them into the upright position

"It's in Japanese, they're upside down sweetheart,"

"O-Oh..."

"Do you want me to read them?"

"N-No!! No I've got it, I've been living here for ten years, I can read,"

It wasn't exactly a lie, Viktor _could_ read Japanese- and quite well too actually

The problem was his inability to specifically read _this shit_

"Ok so... the first thing we need to do is find the one marked with the _a_ figure, it looks like it's a long pole,"

"Mmm.... not that can't be right, none of the poles have any markings on them,"

Viktor jerked his head up, a small frown on his face

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Vitya, I already checked,"

Before Viktor could protest that any further, the sound of a crying baby pulled his husband away from the task at hand

"Ah... sounds like someone is hungry, I'll get that, you work on the swing ok? You're good at this Vitya, that baby swing you built when Kira was a baby would still be in good shape today if that incident with Makkachin and the triplets hadn't happened,"

"Y-Yeah, you're right, thank you for the confidence boost my darling," he smiled, waving as Yuri took the baby out of the playpin and carried her inside

Yuri was equal parts right and wrong

He was right in that that had been one fine swing

He was wrong in that Viktor had been the one to build it

So, racing for his phone, he hurried to call the person who _had_ built that swing and beg for him to fish Viktor out of this increasingly hot water

"Nishigori!! How are you today? Listen, would you like to help an international superstar stay out of trouble with his husband?"

~+~

"Ok.... I'd love to put the bar into base.... if I could find the fucking bar!!"

Otabek was slowly thunking his head against the side of the couch

Yura was on the floor, evidently about to beat the box the swing came in with one of the metal poles, and Anna was sleeping across the room in her bassinet, evidently too worn out from her night full of screaming to wake up even with her father's shouting

"Call. Viktor." Otabek said slowly

"I am NOT going to-"

"_Please_," Otabek stressed, slowly pulling away from the couch and staring dreadfully at the swing

"Yura, I'm BEGGING you to _call Viktor_,"

And really, how could he argue with that?

So, with an irritated sigh, Yura grumbled and got up from the floor, slugging off to get the laptop so they could make a video call

~+~

"Do you have even a faint idea of how to put this together?" Phichit asked skeptickally, staring at the wooden peices laid out in front of them and rubbing his neck

Don't get him wrong, Phichit was always up for an adventure....

He just didn't quite know how to _begin_ this one in particular

"Honestly........ no," Chris concluded, fingers tapping on his jaw as he stared down at the instructions

"It says to start with the gazebo... but I'm honestly not sure wich of these are even _part_ of the gazebo and wich are part of the swing...."

Phichit hummed to himself, takin a step forward and tapping his foot against edge of one of the wall panels, head tilting to the side

"I _think_ this is part of it, but I've got no idea where to connect it,"

"Maybe our deciding to do this on ou own wasn't the _best_ idea...." Chris mused with a slight wince, staring down at the instructions in annoyance

He couldn't understand a word

"We could always call Viktor, he's put together swings before, remember?" Phichit suggested

Chris, jerking his head up, grinned like the Cheshire Cat as he tossed the instructions over his shoulder and stepped closer, wrapping an arm around Phichit's waist and pressing a kiss to his cheek

"See, _this_ is why I married you, mon cheri, you always have the _best_ ideas,"

~+~

"What do you mean you don't know how to help me!? You said you built dozens of these things before and that was YEARS ago!!"

Viktor was in full-blown panic mode now, his face pale, a look of sheer _devastation_ across his features as Nishigori, on the other end of the video call, hung his head in shame

_"Yeah, well, I lied, ok? It was Yuko who actually built those baby swings for you guys, I didn't even **watch**,"_

.... Was this what inception felt like?

.. Oh, wait, maybe that's _de_ception...

It didn't matter though, Viktor was _UPSET_!

"Why did you lie!?"

_"For the same reason YOU lied!"_

".... To impress your husband?"

That couldn't be right...

_"To impress YOUR husband! And YOU! You guys have always been so close with Yuko and the triplets but I feel like sometimes you just completely ignore me, but I figured if I could do something you both couldn't..."_

"Maybe if you wanted to be closer to us then you shouldn't have spent my husband's entire life tormenting him about his weight," Viktor noted, his tone clipped, annoyance dripping out of his voice

Not only was he pissed about the circumstances he was now faced with, he was also getting out a little bit of his decade-and-a-half-long frustration with their freind's bullying

_".... Yeah ok that's fair,"_

Sighing in exhaustion, Viktor flopped backwards into the grass and glanced through the house window, watching Yuri as he bounced and swayed around in the kitchen, bottle-feeding little Karina, probably singing to her too...

Even after all these years Yuri still made Viktor's heart swoon, a dreamy sigh leaving his lungs

Sure, the relationship wasn't perfect- nothing ever was- and after over fifteen years together, they'd probably seen every ugly side that the other had to offer, but there had never _once_ been a moment when Viktor didn't completely love Yuri with his entire heart, even when he was angry, even when he was frustrated, even when they were fighting, he always still felt that deep, unwavering love for him....

And he was going to be damned if he let him down now

"Alright, let me speak to Yuko then, maybe I-"

_"Yeah that's gonna be a problem..."_ Nishigori winced

_"She's visiting family in Karakura, she left an hour ago and it's a four hour drive,"_

Viktor pursed his lips, face-palming hard and grumbling to himself in Russian

"You've got to be fuc-"

Ah... another video call was coming in...

"Hold on Nishigori, and don't you dare hang up," he snipped, pressing the "answer call" button

"Hm? Oh hello Yura, Beka, how-"

_"You've got to help us!"_ Yura screeched suddenly

......

Lovely

"Alright, alright, calm down, what's going on?"

If they were calling at eight in the morning- in Russian time, that is- then it had to be an emergency

_"We're trying to put together Anna's baby swing and it.. isn't..... going well...."_ Otabek replied slowly

Oh no

_"We know that you've built atleast two of these before,"_

Oh _no_....

_"And we were hoping that you could help us put this one together now,"_

Oh _**FUCK**_ no......

"Um, I hate to be the bearer of bad news-"

Before he could even finish that sentence though, another call was coming in, much to his surprise and confusion

"H-Hang on guys..."

Answering the third call, he found himself greeted by Phichit's smiling face

_"Hi Vitya!!!"_

Chipper as always, Viktor wasn't even surprised

"Phichit? Is everything ok?"

_"Huh? Oh yeah! Everything is fine!! Why wouldn't it be?"_

"Isn't it like... seven in the morning in Switzerland...?"

After all these years of having international freinds and family, Viktor had gotten pretty good at guesstimating timezones

_"Yep! Good job!"_

"Well Phich, not that I don't love to see you, but why the _fuck_ are you calling me at seven in the morning? .. And apparently from outside?"

_"We're building an outdoor swing and a gazebo!"_

"At seven in the morning?"

_"Yeah, it gets pretty humid in the afternoons during summer so we wanted to do this early,"_

Viktor supposed he could understand, especially due to Phichit having always been a morning person and having slowly trained Chris over the years to be the same way, but....

_Seven in the morning_

_"Vitya?"_

"H-Huh? O-Oh yes sorry Phichit, um, what did you need again?"

_"We were hoping you could help! Chris and I are kinda stumped,"_

Oh fuck no-

_"Bad luck for you but Viktor is already supposed to help US build OUR swing,"_ Yura replied, apparently having heard Phichit's request

_"Oooh Yura! Hi! Are you calling Viktor too?"_

_"Yes and I still never gave you permission to call me that-"_

_"It's nice to hear from you! How's the baby?"_

_"Teething,"_

_"Ooh... I'm sorry to hear that..."_

"G-Guys," Viktor said slowly, trying his hardest to keep the tone calm, light, not wanting to set anyone off before he delivered what was going to be, apparently, devastating news

"I hate to be the one to tell you this but I can't help with your swings..."

_"Haaaa!!?!?! VIKTOR!! You'd better have a good fucking reason for this!!"_

_"Yeah, his reason is that he doesn't know how,"_ Nishigori interrupted

"Well neither do you!" Viktor screeched, offended that he had been called out- even if it was true

_"WHAT!?"_

_"But I thought you built the baby swings for your kids...?"_

"W-Well-"

_"He lied,"_

"SO DID YOU!!"

"Vitya?"

Oh no

Oh no no no no no no no no no _no_

"What's going on?"

Turning slowly, he half smiled, half cringed as Yuri walked back into the yard, a concerned look on his face

"H-Hello my beloved, darling, beautifully shimmering little gold medal, have I told you yet how radiant you look this morning?"

"Viktor what the _fuck_ did you do?"

Oh shit that tone wasn't good

_"Oh is Yuri there!? Hi Yuri!!!"_

"Phichit?"

Saved, breifly, from his husband's wrath- wich, ok, was a bit of an exaggeration, Yuri had "wrath" at the same level that Yura had "calm" but _still_\- Viktor leaned back and allowed his lover to come into frame of the phone

"Vitya, why are you on call with three different people...?"

"It's-"

_"Apparently because he's a fucking LIAR,"_ Yura snapped

".......... Thanks for that Yura, I couldn't have possibly just told him gently,"

"Told me what?" Yuri asked slowly, clearly concerned

"W-Well... you see..... aha........... darling, I have to come clean about a little something.... a-about some.... ah... embellished upon abilities...."

And then it all came out

The horrible truth

The reality of the fact that about ten years ago, in a desperate move to prove himself worthy as a panic when Yuri had been- at that point- swooping in to solve every crisis like Super Dad and seemed to be naturally gifted at fucking _everythingStuck_

_"Oh I don't believe this shit.... Viktor what the fuck is the matter with you!?"_ Yura groaned

"I'm sorry!!!! I just wanted to be a good daddy!!!!" Viktor sobbed, hanging his head and clunking his forehead against the nearest random swing part

"Oh Vitya... it's ok, I'm not upset," Yuri said softly, reaching out to gently rub Viktor's back, trying to console him

"Y-You're not...?"

"No ofcourse not, I understand, there are plenty of stupid things I've done to impress you,"

"Really?" Viktor asked softly

"Like what?"

Yuri's expression faltered, going far more stern

"Let's not talk about that right now,"

_"Hello!?!?!? Do you losers not understand the gravity of what you've done!? If you fuckers can't help us then we're going to have to suffer with a teething baby screaming for the next God-only-knows-how-long!!! That or call Beka's mom but I'm pretty sure she still doesn't like me..."_

_"She likes you fine Yura, she doesn't like your constant cursing,"_

_"What the fuck do you mean 'constant cursing'!?"_

"And if we don't get this swing built soon, the kids are going to come home and see the parts laid out and ruin the surprise," Yuri sighed

_"..... Yeah, our's isn't exactly an emergency but, you know, it'd be nice,"_ Chris noted with a shrug

"Ok ok, everybody calm down, let's all just breathe for a moment," Viktor frowned, Coach Mode officially activated, he

"I'm sure we can figure this out, we are seven capable adults, there's nothing we can't do if we put our minds to it!!"

~+~

Evidently there is One Thing they can't do if they put their minds to it: Build a fucking swing

An hour later, not one of them had made any progress

Yuri and Viktor were potentially worse off than they had been in the beginning

Anna had woken up, meaning that Otabek was currently bouncing her to sleep as Yura took over "thunking head on the couch" duties

Chris and Phichit had given up for the time being and were currently inside eating cereal

And Nishigori, who had decided to stick around to see how this trainwreck ended, had started calling Yuko in the vain hope that she had gotten to her relative's house sooner than expected

_"I can't do this anymore... we HAVE to call somebody who actually knows what they're doing,"_ Yura finally caved

_"Beka's arms are going to be huge after this, and as much as I love that he can throw me around like a ragdoll, he's going to toss me through a WALL if his muscles get any bigger,"_

"......Thanks for that unnecessary information that nobody wanted to hear," Viktor noted blandly

_"Oh I don't know, I kind of wanted to hear it,"_ Chris winked

_"Nobody asked you,"_ Yura snarled

"I agree with Yura, we need to call someone else before Mari brings the kids back, or Kira comes back with Minako,"

Viktor sighed quietly, finally giving in as well and nodding his agreement

"Ok... you're right, just one little problem though- who do we call?"

~+~

Slowly, JJ's eyes opened, shifting to the red glaring _4:07_ staring back at him from his alarm clock as the familiar beeping of a video call caught his attention

...

Why were the Katsukis calling him at four in the morning..?

Sitting up and rubbing his eyes, he reached for his phone and rolled out of bed, turning it on as he stumbled away to prevent Isabella from waking up

"Um.... yo....? Do you dudes know what time it is in Canada?"

_"Four in the morning, we commend you for answering!"_ Viktor beamed, flashing the peace sign at him

........

This could not possibly be good

"Ok... is uh... something wrong..?"

_"No no, not really, why would you ask that?"_

"Uhhh because the last time I saw either of you was three years ago at that Disney On Ice show...?"

A few years back Disney had caught wind of some of the famous skaters who were rather big fans of their's and had lit on the ones with young daughters especially hard, creating a limited-time-only show that JJ and some of his former rivals had guest-starred in for a few shows

Viktor hadn't stopped complaining about not being allowed to be Elsa and JJ _still_ hadn't managed to convince Sophia that he was Prince Eric

_"Uh... time got away from us?"_

... Yeah ok that was reasonable, JJ knew how it could be

_"Listen, we **sort of** need a favor, do you know anything about building swingsets?"_

....

What

"Uuuhhh...... yeah...? I've built a few, some for my kids, some for the neighbor's, neices and nephews, Isabella's cou-"

_"Quit listing credentials, you're hired!"_

Oh that wasn't Viktor's voice

That wasn't Viktor's voice _at all_

But he knew who's it was

Grinning from ear to ear, JJ turned on the living room lights and grinned as he stared into the phone

"Oooh is that my little fairy freind I hear?"

_"Why don't you come to Russia and I'll show you who the fairy is huh you fucker!? My husband's arm is probably bigger than your fucking head at this point!! We'll BOTH kick your fucking ass!!"_

"Oh yeah, is Otabek there too? Hey Beksy, how's it hangin'? You still got all your hair dealing with being married to this harpy?" he laughed

_"Gee, I don't know fuckwad, you still got your's after being married to a fucking bi-"_

_"Yura that's enough,"_

_"Oh fuck off Beka! It's not enough until he fucking BLEEDS-"_

_"We're asking him for a FAVOR-"_

_"He owes us a favor after making us deal with his fucking personality for over a decade!"_

"Wait a minute, wait, _you're_ asking for the favor? I thought Thing One and Thing Two were?" JJ frowned in confusion

And yes, by this point in his life, atleast half of his insults came from cartoons and children's books

It was one of the clauses in the Parenting Contract

_"**Technically** all six of us are asking for a favor,"_ Viktor noted

"...Six? ...Did you guys get one of those poly-is-more-us things?"

_"What?! NO! And it's 'polyamorous' and you don't GET it, you ARE it, but more importantly NO, I could never love anyone besides my Yuri!"_

As if needing to prove that, Viktor tossed the phone down and tackled his husband, much to Yuri's squeaking protests

........

Right then

_"To answer your question!"_ came another voice

Oh, that sounded like that Thai dude with the weird hamster ice show

JJ remembered him, he'd lost a bet and ended up performing in that monstrosity a few years back

_"Chris and I are on video call with Viktor and Yuri, and so are Yura and Otabek, one of Yuri's freinds in Japan is here too but that's not important right now,"_

_"Hey-"_

_"We need your help building swings, we all thought Viktor knew how to do it but apparently we've been misinformed,"_

"....... They aren't _sex_ swings are they?" JJ asked with a grimace

Ofcourse _that_ was the moment Viktor appeared back in frame, an offended look on his face

_"Excuse you! This is a swingset for our CHILDREN!"_

"And the others?"

_"Baby swing,"_ Otabek answered

_"Porch swing! Well, technically, it's a gazebo, but still,"_ came Phichit's reply

_"And trust us honey, I'm pretty sure none of us need your help building a sex swing,"_

A resounding chorus of atleast four different people screaming _"CHRIS!"_ at the tops of their lungs neither confirmed nor denied that sentiment

"Ok, well why are you guys all calling me though? I mean, I wouldn't exactly say any of us are close freinds,"

JJ wasn't stupid, he knew that he hadn't necessarily become close with alot of his former rivals- some of them yes, but there were cliques in figure skating just like there were anywhere else and the six in question all tended to congregate together- JJ called them The Gays because, _obviously_\- with a few others

JJ's own social circle was actually geared more towards other athletes, as well as some musicians

So TL;DR: He was less surprised by the four A.M. phone call and more surprised by who was calling

_"W-Well..."_ Yuri mumbled slowly, rubbing his neck awkwardly in frame

_"Look, we don't have time for this shit, we called you because you're the only other straight guy with kids we know and we figure you people have to be good for **something** besides breeding so do you know how to build shit or not?"_ the Russian Yuri snapped irritably

Atleast some things hadn't changed

".... Don't Katsuki and Viktor have three more kids than I do?" JJ pointed out

_".... That's not my point! Look, are you going to help us build this shit or are we going to be stuck trying to do it ourselves until Anna's too old enough to even fucking need it!?"_

"Relax relax Princess, I can help," JJ snickered

Boy did it feel good to finally have something he could hang over Plisetsky's head- something he could do that Yuri couldn't, something Yuri actually needed to ask him for

It made him _giddy_

_"On the bright side you'd atleast have it done by the time you have the next one,"_ Viktor noted boredly

_"Yeah that's assuming Anna's screaming doesn't kill us first, Natalia will hardly need it if we're too dead to adopt her,"_

_"Hey! **I** wanted to use Natalia!"_

_"Too bad Viktor, you already get dibs on any name that can double in Japanese, this one's our's,"_

_"Talia CAN double in Japanese, for your information! It means 'meadow'!"_

_"Yeah but **Na**talia can't,"_

_"... Dammit Yura! I thought you were going with Nikita next time anyway!"_

_"For a boy, we might end up with another girl,"_

_"I thought you were going with Aleksander for a boy!"_

_"It's a toss up, honestly, could go either way,"_

_"Then in that case forfeit Nikki to Yuri and I, that one can be Japanese!"_

_"Nikki can, Nikita can't, besides, you already are using Niko, Nikki sounds too close, you can't have ALL the good names Viktor,"_

_"Dammit!"_

"Um-"

_"Are you guys sure you even **want** another kid?"_ Chris interrupted suddenly

_"I mean the first one seems to be giving you both a headache,"_

And then, much to JJ's surprise, Plisetsky's tone completely changed, no longer irritable or tired, instead bright and overjoyed

_"Oh yeah parenthood is GREAT, you guys are fucking morons for not doing it yet! It's alot like figure skating, sure it's demanding and grueling and sometimes makes you wonder why you're even alive but then you win that gold medal and it's more amazing than anything else in the entire UNIVERSE, we're DEFINITELY doing it more!"_

What-

_"Anna smiled for the first time this morning,"_ Otabek supplied

Oh

_"And you didn't immediately call and tell us!?"_ Viktor shreiked

Ok, this was really enough for him

"Soooooooooo do you guys want my help or....?"

~+~

Three hours later, Viktor and Yuri had exactly what they had wanted in the beginning

Sitting on the porch of the house, curled up in eachother's arms and sipping lemonade, watching the kids play on their new swingset and run around the yard, the dogs chasing after them, the baby monitor next to them, just in case Karina started crying

It was quiet

It was peacefull

It was.... _amazing_

"Vitenka?"

"Mm, yes my beloved?"

"You _are_ going to learn to build stuff so that we never have to call JJ for anything again right?"

"One _billion_ percent,"

~+~

She was sleeping

Thank God

Thank. EVERY. GOD.

Anna Altin-Plisetsky was finally fucking ASLEEP without having to be bounced around by one of her fathers

Otabek was laying on the couch, half asleep

Yura was on the floor next to him trying not to sob in releif wile the cat slept on top of him

The household was finally at peace

~+~

"This is really nice!" Phichit hummed, leaning back on the swing and watching as a few butterflies fluttered past them

"It is," Chris agreed, his arm wrapped around his husband's shoulders

All was quiet

All was peacefull

It was.......... kind of......... _boring_

"...Am I the only one who thinks it'd be alot better if there were a couple of kids running around in front of us?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing,"

"A three year honeymoon is enough right?"

"I think so,"

"How are the adoption laws in Switzerland?"

"Not nearly as complicated as Japan's,"

"Want me to get the laptop?"

"_Please_,"

Yep, all was well


End file.
